LONELY DEFEATS, LONELY VICTORIES

When it comes to our struggles with sin, lonely defeats will, one day, bring lonely victories, and God is not glorified in a lonely, hidden victory. “Why would the victory be hidden?,” you might ask. Because, for someone who has hidden their defeats, telling of a victory would be a tacit confession to the “shameful” battles they have been fighting. It would be like discovering that your house had become infested with rats. If this was embarrassing to you it is unlikely that you would announce proudly to your friends, “This morning when I opened the cupboards I found two dead rats in the traps I had set there!” Although you are glad to have exterminated two rats you know that the first thing your friends would probably think is, “Disgusting! I didn’t know he had rats in his cupboards,” so you keep that news to yourself. The prelude to most every sin is “No one will ever know,” and its epilogue, “No one must ever know.” But when we resolve to let no one know about the rat-infested nature of our hearts a perverse thing will inevitably happen- for when, by God’s grace, we are given victory in a moment of temptation, that story of God’s strength, provision and faithfulness in delivering us from sin must necessarily be hidden away because of its shameful association with the very acts of wickedness that we were delivered from. This denies man his highest good, for we were made for the very purpose of worship that the glory of the Creator might be revealed in His creatures, and, perversely, it denies God the praise and glory which are His due. This is the first and most compelling reason for entering an accountability relationship. God spoke the world into being, and created man in His image, that His glory might be revealed through them, and if we have no one in our lives who we have invited into the reality of our struggles we will, by implication, also have no one with whom to share the stories of His goodness. God desires man to experience victory over sin, yes, but primarily He wants to give us such victories that He might be glorified in them.  If we have bundled our defeats and victories together into one shameful package we will never know the kind of practical sanctification that we long to see in our lives, for it reveals that we are not properly motivated by a high concern for God’s glory to be revealed in and through our lives.

A concern for God’s glory should be the first and most significant motivation for entering an accountability relationship. However, if we continue the analogy of the rat infested house I think we will see some additional ways that accountability relationships can be a very practical help in our struggles against sin.

When you confess to a close friend, one who has proven himself faithful in every season, and who you trust to handle the information you share about yourself with love, grace, care and discretion, that your house is infested with rats, your friend might surprise you with his response. For example, he might say, “Me too!” This can be very encouraging, and it has often been my experience with confessing sin within the context of an accountability relationship that the person that I am sharing “the big ugly” with says, “me too.” Paul, writing in 1 Corinthians 10:13, says that “no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.” One of Satan’s tricks is to make you think you’re the only one with rats in the attic, but Paul makes it plain that those areas where we struggle are “common to man.” In other words, you’re not alone. However, as long as you labor under the impression that yours is the only rat-infested heart in the neighborhood Satan will continue to draw you into a double life where the sin you habitually harbor and act upon is hidden away in a secret place. Over time the gulf between who you are in reality and who you are trying to appear to be will widen into a shocking and unsustainable chasm. Much of the power of sin is broken when it is spoken out loud to a brother or sister who will receive that confession with love and care. Satan’s modus operandi is always to get you alone with your sin, and God’s strategy is to draw that struggle out to be shared within the context of loving community (1 John 1:7-8).

So your friend might say, “me too,” and if he does you will be greatly encouraged. Or he might say, “I know exactly what you’re going through. I used to have rats.” As you listen to his story, you will gain some hard-won perspective and expertise in the matter at hand which you can bring to bear in your own efforts to kill rats. Or perhaps your friend knows nothing of rats and has no personal experience with them, but he is a true friend who loves you sincerely. If that is so, he will most likely respond compassionately by offering to come over after work, and with flashlight in hand, go up into the attic with you to see what can be done about this problem, and by this you will have gained some much needed support and help. Every time I have shared sin with a carefully chosen accountability partner I have received one of these three responses- “Me too,” “I used to struggle with that,” or “how can I help?” And each time it was a blessing and a help to me in my efforts to fight sin.

MOVING BEYOND THE PRIORITIES LECTURE

A common sentiment in the church today is that it is difficult to find the time for Bible study and prayer. Most often I hear leaders in the church counter this line of thinking by saying it is all just a matter of priorities. That’s true to a point, but in my experience such lecturing is largely ineffectual. We need to speak the language of worship, for that is what man hungers for in the quiet places of his heart. Man doesn’t hunger for duty, obligation and strategizing. He... was made at the first for worship. It is our design, and that design finds expression in a desire after God. If we understood things perfectly, coming to the conclusion that our job kept us from being in God’s word we would quit our job. Nothing of temporal concern should trump the eternal. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you, but, for one reason or another, the priorities lecture doesn’t seem to get the job done.

Someone might say I have trouble finding time for studying the Word of God and prayer, and instead of speaking about priorites, I say remember the widow and her two small coins that she put into the offering (Mark 12:41-44). She had very little money Just as you may have very little time, but when she gave what she had, though it was scarce and hard to come by, it was received by Jesus as greater than those who gave vast amounts out of their abundance. So you may be a busy person with very little time to spare for studying your Bibles and praying, but think how much it will delight your Father in heaven that you gave out of your time-poverty to worship Him in that way. Yours is a more precious offering to bring. Some with an abundance of spare time might even envy you.

Or someone might say, “I have never been much of a reader. It’s harder work for me to read and study than for others.” Rather than speaking of priorities, point them to Zacchaeus who, though he was a short man, climbed a tree to see Jesus above the crowds. Sometimes it might require more effort to climb above the limits of our design to get a good look at Jesus, but it is always worth it.

We must learn to speak the language of worship because it is worship that man hungers for and responds to. Such reasoning will bear the weight of wonder and desire in a way that speaking of priorities will not.

RACISM- A FLAWED VIEW OF SELF

A few months ago I had a conversation with a friend about the problem of race in our country. Although not an exact quote, he said something to this effect- “A lot of the problem would go away if black and white people would get to know each other better.” I disagreed. This does not strike me as true because the error of the racist does not flow primarily from a misunderstanding of the other, but rather from a fundamental misunderstanding of themselves. As such, contact with people of other races will not usually fix a person’s sin-distorted self-image, but rather reinforce it. If someone whose heart is consumed with ethnic pride encounters someone of another race who confirms their prejudices they will feel justified, and if they encounter one who seems to defy their expectations they will tend to think in their heart, “This one is an exception to the rule. They are good because they are more like my kind than normal.” In the mind of such a person they and theirs are the standard of goodness, and the other rises or falls in their estimation by how closely they proximate their own cherished social norms, mode of living, way of speaking, dressing etc… The cure for racism, therefore, can not be found in having encounters with people of other races, but rather in having a transformative encounter with Jesus Christ. That is the only sort of encounter that will show to people who they truly are, and in so doing, enable them to see others correctly. The Gospel destroys all human pretense and any notion of human superiority. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit opens the eyes of a person's heart, gives the capacity for repentance, humility, and obedience. This is why racism and an authentic Christianity can never coexist. Racists boast in their blood. Christians boast only in the blood of Christ.

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.” (Ephesians 2:14)

But someone might say, "I would not be so quick to throw out that man's advice. Without building relationships across ethnic/racial lines we will find it difficult to understand one-another's perspective."

I would not argue that there is ZERO benefit to holding a summit between the races, anymore than I would say there is zero benefit in bringing a knife to a gun fight. But as long as our primary tools for fighting this sin rest on goodwill and understanding I suspect we will be pouring our efforts into coping with racism rather than conquering it.  The problem with this approach as a primary strategy is that the Gospel teaches us to love others not because of who they are but because of who we are in Christ. Christ loves us not because he got to know us and discovered we weren't so bad after all. As long as we put the first emphasis on finding good in the other person or group as the basis of our love and respect we would be falling short of Jesus' example which was a willingness to love people in whom there was no goodness at all. Jesus loved us because of who He is not who we are. As Romans 5:8 says, "God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." The idea behind my friend's first idea was that whites and blacks would get along if they spent more time talking and getting to know each other. This approach still has as its underlying rationale a pernicious clinging to human merit as a basis for our love and consideration. If I squint my ears I can almost hear him saying, "Prove yourselves to one another." Why get together? Because you'll see they're not so bad! Give them a chance. But what if after getting to know them you concluded they were bad. What if every stereotype proved true? (After all, the suspicious heart of prejudiced person is already tipping in this direction.) What if the person you encounter proves to be a total jerk, and, generally speaking, a low specimen of humanity? What then? This last question, "what then," is what the let's-get-everyone-together strategy fails to plan for.

What is needed is to have the eyes of our heart opened (Eph 1:18) so that we see our own sin, and our own lack of merit before God so that we look on our fellow man with compassion rather than arrogant contempt. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." The phrase is "count others as more," not learn or perceive that they are more. When it comes to the sin of racism or any other sin the problem arises not from external circumstances but from within one's own heart. At root, I think this sin arises from an arrogant view of self and not a flawed view of others. To be sure it includes a flawed of others, but  for the racist they are unable to see others rightly because they are viewing all things through the broken prism of self. Only Jesus can open the eyes of a person's heart thereby giving them new eyes with which to see themselves and their fellow man.

LAST WORDS I COULD LIVE WITH

My favorite last words are attributed to our 6th President, John Quincy Adams. As he lay dying his assembled family heard him remark, "This is the last of earth. I am content." That is a fitting lid on a beautiful vessel. A close second for me is Robert E. Lee's "Strike the tent," which is a biblical reference to 2 Corinthians 5:4. That's far better than Pancho Villa's "Don't let it end like this! Tell them I said something," Benito Mussolini's, "But, but, Mister Colonel...," or even that famous final utterance of Julius Caesar, "Et tu Brute?" Those men would have certainly mustered something more composed if death had not arrived for them as violently and unexpectedly as it did.

 Last words are fascinating because they are so revealing and vulnerable. Circumstances typically dictate that they be brief so a careful and economical use of language is called for which must be difficult to call up in one's final moments. As the things of earth grow strangely dim and, frankly, irrelevant one's last words require the summoning of a person's remaining vitality to make one final attempt at explaining oneself, expressing feeling, imparting wisdom, cracking a joke, or providing some kind of summary of their days under the sun. I suspect that as people lay dying they wrestle with questions of how they will be remembered and I can only imagine that they rehearse what they would like to say in their final moments. Such prepared statements are only slightly less interesting than those that come in an unexpected moment. There's nothing more clutch than nailing your last words.

Some last words simply speak to the cause of death such as Amelia Earhart's "I'm running low on gas," or Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "I have a terrific headache." (He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.) Others depict the mysterious mis-firings of synapses as awareness takes one last tour of the facility like Henry David Thoreau's "Moose...Indian..." Some are very funny like Conrad Hilton, founder of Hilton Hotels, who was asked as he lay dying if he had any final words of wisdom. He replied, "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub." Convicted criminal James W. Rodgers was asked for his final request as he stood before a firing squad in 1960. His reply, "Why, yes, a bulletproof vest." More often last words are tragic like Civil War General John Sedgwick's "Nonsense, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." or Terry Alan Kath's infamous "Don't worry. It's not loaded." Lawrence Oates who was part of the ill-fated Antarctic Expedition of 1910-1912 feared that his injuries were slowing down his comrades. His last words were recorded as "I am just going outside and may be some time," before leaving their tent and intentionally wandering off in a blizzard. Sometimes last words reveal an awareness of the moment at which life begins slipping away such as Al Jolson's "This is it. I'm going. I'm going," or the boxer Max Baer's, "Oh God, here I go..." One has to wonder what that feels like. How did they know? I appreciate the poetry of Emily Dickinson's "...the fog is rising," the simplicity of Lord Byron's "Goodnight," the evocative imagery of O. Henry's "Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark," the honesty of Henry Ward Beecher's "Now comes the mystery," and the steeliness of Nathan Hale before his executioners, "My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country."

 When I find myself at the intersection of this life and the next I hope I have sufficient wits about me to say something fitting, but if not then I take comfort in knowing that it won't matter on the other side anyway. After all, this isn't truly the land of the living as we have often heard it described. This is the land of the dying, and any last words we speak will die with those who hear them. I would like my last words to point those who remain to life unending in Jesus. That would be the best use of my final moments, but why wait until then. Such would be a worthy way to make use of all of my days, and today. One's last words should transition seamlessly into praise on the other side.

DOWN IN THE DUMPS

I stood there with a disgusted look on my face as a fluid consisting of old eggs, roast beef, rotten vegetables, coffee grounds, and what I think was two week old potato salad ran down the front of my Camp Maranatha sweatshirt, and collected in foul smelling puddles at my feet. “I hate the dump,” I murmured to myself as I shook icky gook from my hands and removed my soiled sweatshirt.

The trash bag, which I had been hefting, was one of those 60-gallon monsters that service the camp’s kitchen. It had been ensconced amongst its slimy brethren in the mysterious depths of the camp’s trash trailer for nearly two weeks. From experience I knew that when you are tossing a bag of that size you must muster all of your strength. Then in one smooth motion pull it from its berth and hurl it towards the dumpster. This is the best way to minimize contact with the bag, and gain sufficient momentum to carry it all the way to its destination. This I have learned over the course of many successful dump runs, and I had executed exactly the same maneuver on many occasions without incident. But this time was different, for when I pulled the bag from its slimy dripping nest the jagged end of a broken broom handle caught against it- gutting it like a fish. The bunched muscles in my arms, back, chest, and thighs had already committed to the throw, and with all of my strength I brought the compromised bag up to chest level. At that very moment the coffee filters and spaghetti, which a moment ago had been pressed against the opaque inner lining of the trash bag, spilled forth. The space within the trailer was too cramped and mobility too constricted to avoid being covered with the stuff.

I was in a dark mood as I finished unloading the trash trailer. I couldn’t escape the sickly sweet trash smell, which had soaked into my clothes. I thought about all the people who had so carelessly thrown things into that trash bag, and I secretly blamed them for what had happened. It didn’t make sense, I know, but I did it anyway.

On the drive home the smell emanating from my sweatshirt, which was wadded up on the passenger side floorboards, forced me to roll down my window. As the road climbed it’s way towards town and back to camp the Lord reminded me of Romans 5:8 which says “But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us”, and also 1st John 2:1-2 which says “My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.”

I thought about how God came down into the trash trailer of this world and willingly and intentionally took my sins upon Himself. The whole stinking mess of my life, which if it were revealed to you all right now, would cause me to slink off in shame and never be heard from again. I thought of all those secret shameful things. All the harm I’ve inflicted on others. All those evil thoughts I harbored and acted upon. All of it spilling forth from my life like a ruptured trash bag, and running over Christ. Him stinking of me. Stinking of my sin. Not only my sin however, but the sin of the whole world. The whole landfill! And He didn’t do it because it was His job, or because He had to. No, He did it because He loved us. He loved us even though we were oozing putrid, sacks of sin. He didn’t try to minimize contact with us either, but came down among us. He clutched us to Him in a loving embrace, and became trash in our place.

ARE FOOTBALL PLAYERS ROLE MODELS?

On February 15, 2014, Ray Rice, who was a star running back for the Baltimore, Ravens at the time, was captured on a security camera savagely beating his wife in a hotel elevator. In the wake of the ensuing scandal a number of television personalities posed the question, "Should football players be considered role models?" Implied in the question is the idea that our obligation to do right is commensurate to the number of people who are witnesses to our behavior. And to a point I agree- if given a stage a person certainly has an obligation to use it to promote virtue- but, to some extent, all this "role model" talk strikes me as indicative of a society that has taken its eyes off God.

As long as we emphasize being a role model over being a person of true character we are placing the first importance on how we appear rather than on who we actually are. This only encourages good behavior when people are watching. Someone might say, "I don't smoke dope in front of my employer" or "I would never use foul language in front of  the kids," as though their conduct only becomes an issue when it is witnessed by someone else. This pervasive outlook makes virtue optional in  the privacy of our hearts or in hotel elevators. The result is a society of Jekyll and Hydes who are saints abroad and devils at home. The essence of character is what we do and don't do when we are alone with only God as a witness. As Hebrews 4:13 says, "And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account."

A PILGRIM'S PATRIOTISM

As the fourth of July approaches I offer the following thoughts on being a Christian patriot:

In Romans 9:1-4 Paul writes, I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of Israel.

PAUL’S PATRIOTISM WAS NOT REMOVED AND REPLACED BUT RATHER REDEEMED AND TRANSFORMED

At first blush these words in Romans 9:1-4 seem at odds with Peter's words in 1 Peter 2:11, or Paul’s own words in passages such as Philippians 3:20, and 2 Corinthians 5:20, in which he tell us that our citizenship is in heaven, that we are to live here as foreigners, pilgrims and ambassadors of Christ. It is clear from Romans 9:1-4 that Paul holds a special and passionate affection for his own people, Israel, that is separate and distinct from the love that he has for God’s people, the church. In fact, Paul makes that distinction clear in the next paragraph when he says that not everyone descended from Israel are Israel (v. 6), and not all of Abraham’s descendants are God’s children (v. 7).  So in Romans 9:1-4 he is speaking with patriotic fervor about his special affection for his own people- the Israelites- who are not God's people.

Sometimes in the church we wonder if it is possible to be a wholehearted citizen of heaven and an American patriot both, and what we must see from Romans 9:1-4 is that Paul models for us what the patriotism of a pilgrim should look like. God didn’t remove and replace Paul’s patriotism for Israel, He redeemed and transformed it. Paul was a patriot both before and after his encounter with the risen Lord, but as a result of that encounter everything in Paul’s life would change including the nature of his patriotism. His old patriotism for Israel was transformed from an idolatrous desire to see Israel exalted to a new redeemed desire to see Christ exalted in israel.

Before Christ, Paul’s identity had been totally wrapped up in his heritage. In Philippians 3:5, Paul gives us a glimpse into this- he says, “…circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee.” He describes himself as “a Hebrew of Hebrews.” That was his identity before Jesus. His pride and his identity and his hope was totally wrapped up in his national/ethnic identity. It was his idol, but then just a few verses later he goes on to say,  “I count everything as  loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage,  that I may gain Christ.”

So his patriotic fervor for Israel is radically transformed, and whereas before he felt pride and delight in Israel now he feels sorrow and anguish. And like all true patriots Paul is even willing to sacrifice himself for the people that he loves. He says, For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people. If it were possible, Paul loves the people of Israel so much that he says he would trade places with them. He would take their place under God’s wrath if, in return, they could come to a saving knowledge of the Gospel. And he was not speaking in Hyperbole either-  he said in verse 1, I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit. He meant what he said. So we see that Paul’s patriotism was marked by a willingness and a desire to lay his own life down in sacrifice for his people.

SORROW AND ANGUISH

During those seasons in life when a person suffers terrible loss, like when a loved one has died, well-intentioned people will sometimes try to cheer up the person who is mourning, but when you’re grieving you don’t want to be cheered up. You want to cry. You want someone to understand and to share in your grief. As Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”   

It can be very difficult to find the words to say to someone who is grieving, and, as a pastor, I feel like, to some extent, that is my job every year as the fourth of July approaches. Those who have spiritual eyes to look on the United States know that we are sitting by the bedside of a dying America. She is dying from a cancer of the soul. What can I say to comfort my pilgrim-patriot friends and bring hope into the midst of our collective grief over the course of our country? I’ll begin by telling you what I won’t say. I won’t tell you to “cheer up.” I understand and I share your grief. And I won’t say that things are worse in countries like China or Syria anymore than I would tell a parent who lost one of their children to look on the bright side because they didn’t lose all of them.

I have noticed that often, after the death of a loved one holidays, birthdays and other occasions are especially difficult times when the loss is felt more sharply, and July 4^th is increasingly a difficult day for many Christians across the country because we don’t feel like celebrating- we feel deep anguish and unceasing sorrow over the United States.

 All of the fireworks and the patriotic songs and flag waving seem to be saying “cheer up,” and I don’t want to cheer up. The America of bygone years celebrated independence from King George III, but Americans today are openly celebrating their independence from the King of kings, and we cannot join them in that. There is so little that our country celebrates today that we can join her in celebrating.

 So, like Paul, let’s allow ourselves appropriate emotions to go with the state of things in our country this fourth of July. Let’s not put on a mask of proud celebration that is out of step with the spiritual realities that surround us.

There is a way to love one’s nation or people that is idolatrous and that competes with God for space in our heart.  We see this sometimes even in the church, but we need not reject or tamp down every patriotic impulse that will arise in our hearts, as though it were a betrayal of our identity as a citizen of heaven. Paul didn’t see it that way. Like so many other relationships that we hold before and after coming to Christ, our special love for country is not removed and replaced when we become a Christian- it becomes transformed and redeemed into missionary zeal. Whereas before we may have delighted in the exaltation of the USA, now our hearts beat with a redeemed patriotic desire to see Christ exalted among our people.  Christian patriotism in 2017 should not find expression in a boasting celebration, but in prayers, in anguish and sorrow, and in a sacrificial willingness to bear the scorn of our countrymen in order  to be salt and light in the midst of this generation. The pressure is great to give our fellow Americans what they want, but in this hour we must show ourselves to be true patriots by trying to give what is most needed even though what is needed may not be what is wanted.  Like Paul we will love our people best when we love Christ most.

THE SILENT MOUND OF DAYS

For friends long-separated, life has a way of piling up like snow, and it is only when you sit down to write a letter or place a phone call that you become suddenly surprised at just how much has accumulated since you last caught up. It can be hard work to keep the paths between homes cleared. Although letters and phone calls make a poor shovel, shovel we sometimes must because that silent mound of days can become a serious impediment to an easy back-and-forth. That is sometimes the fate of friendships in this fallen, winter world, but Jesus is bringing the springtime when all that chill and silence will melt, and all those separated by distance, death, and disappointment, yet still bound and tethered by Christ will pull chairs up to the fire and enjoy a more perfect fellowship in the warmth and light of his eternal presence.

THE PERFECT, MIRROR SYMMETRY OF THE STORY WE ARE LIVING IN

There is such a perfect, mirror symmetry to the story of man's fall and subsequent redemption on the cross. In the garden of Eden there were many trees by which one could eat and live, but only one that would cause you to die. On this side of the fall there are many ways to die and only one way to know life. Adam exited paradise when he decided it would be better to be a god than to trust in God, and all us sons and daughters of Adam may only enter back in when we cease striving in our own power, trying to be our own godlike savior, and trust in Jesus alone for our salvation. Our Tree of Life is the cross and its fruit is the broken body and spilled blood of Jesus. Adam ate and was banished. We eat and are welcomed home.

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6

LAZY BOY CHRISTIANITY

With a hot bowl full of Maccaroni and Cheese and a diet Pepsi I settled in front of the TV for an episode of Bear Grylls' show "Man vs. Wild" on the Discovery Channel. It's easily one of my favorite shows. I could kill an entire day watching Bear conquer the wildest corners of the earth. In this particular episode he landed on a desolate stretch of Scotland's coast and "self-rescued" his way back to civilization.

I began to ask myself what it is that appeals to me about the show. Adventure, self-sufficiency, wilderness, danger, challenge were all words that occurred to me. In truth, it brings out the little boy in me, and also a hidden, dusty part of who I am as a man. The old desire for adventure , which courses through the hearts of boys and men alike. On some level I want such a life so I escape for a bit and watch Bear play out my fantasies by proxy.

A spoonful of Mac & Cheese. 

A drink of Diet Pepsi.

And back to the show.

The scene is farcical if you take it in in its entirety. Perverse even. The fit and toned Bear Grylls scrambling down cliff faces, dangling by one hand above certain death, swimming raging rivers, meeting and conquering the worst nature has to throw at him, and me- fat, lazy me- watching him wide-eyed from the comfort of my lazy-boy. My admiration for him does not translate into action. I enjoy taking in his exploits, but I'm not motivated to imitate him.

Another drink.

Another spoonful of mac and cheese.

And back to Bear who is skinning a seal carcass he found along the shore in order to fashion some sort of wet-suit from its disembodied hide so he can swim a stretch of the north Atantic, which separates the island he has landed on from the mainland.

Confronted as I was by Bear Grylls awesomeness I couldn't help but feel a tad like a flabby pretender. I want to be a praticipant. How much do I live by proxy? Do I do this with my faith, which is the most important thing to me? Do I pretend.

Not always. I'm flawed, but genuine for the most part. Though perhaps, at times I am guilty of studying the life of Christ with a similar detachment. I have sat in church and I have read the Bible in a manner similar to watching Man vs. Wild. I have, at times, admired and enjoyed Jesus without imitating him.

So I asked myself...

...am I eager to do what is good or am I just an admirer of what is good?

Does my understanding of Christ and what He has done for me translate into action in my life? His love for me was an active one. Is my worshipful response?

Is it transformative?

Does it govern me?

Has it motivated me to pursue holiness and reject sin?

Or am I lazy-boy sort of Christian? How about you?

or is it just another drink of sin. Another spoonful of the flesh.

And back to the program.